Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
