you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
