i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
