Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
