life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize