You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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