Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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