Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
