Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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