did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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