I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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