I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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