I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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