Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize