the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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