i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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