I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
