Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
