I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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