sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
