you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
