omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want to fling myself into the sun
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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