I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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