I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
