it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
