You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
