hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
