all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
