You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
