She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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