My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
