I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
