wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
