It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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