You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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