Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize