eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
