It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
