I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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