I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
and she was petting her beer can
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
