In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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