That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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