Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
