So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize