real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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