capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
