i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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