Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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