I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
