Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
