i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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