He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
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i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize