to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
