i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
