Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
