why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
