Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
