I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
