I feel like abortions should bother me more
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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