that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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