He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
