HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
