people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
