In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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