Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
