He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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