I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
