I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
They took my balls.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
