$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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