South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
