Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
