Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
